CapK:
No CapK, there is not a problem for an elder to visit your home be it for your grandmother, for you, or for both. I'm truly sorry that your grandmother feels the way she does and yes I'm sure that you too feel dissappointed over this incident as well. As it is true, for the elder to have brought another person, prehaps not as mature or "solid in the faith", that he was working with would have likely bothered his concience, he should have taken the time prehaps afterwards or maybe at another time when he and another qualified brother could come over to encourage you and her. I see that you are still going to Sunday meetings? Have you attended the Memorial this year also may I ask? May I also ask for what reason and for how long have you been dissfellowhipped for? Both my mother and also my brother are dissfellowshipped for their own reasons and they both harbour attitudes that could stumble others in the congregation; however, they both still want to come back and serve Jehovah as well and both are making progress so that they can come back as soon as possible. I can't help you to understand the failings and imperfections of others to show real genuine heartfelt consideration for those that are week or ailing, and you will find here plenty of reasons to quit alltogether associating yourself with JW's.
I fully understand your pain and sorrow being someone that has gone through much in order to worship the only true God. Prehaps a scripture? Romans 8: 38,39. When you read that to yourself or to your grandmother or in praire, don't just read it but meditate on it. This scripture will asses your heartcondition and you should be able to tell much from your emotional reaction when you read this scripture to Jehovah. As we are so close to the end there is so much that can deter us from our ultimate goal of everlasting life. Please make the Truth your own, and don't let other people, or anything for that matter, dictate or alter the feeling you had when you first were baptised and the conviction that you had to never leave Jehovah's side. I am only here to bring a sense of balance for those such as yourself... Give your grandmother my warmest love and tell her that however alone she might feel at times and whatever injustices that might have befallen her from, somtimes the people that you wouldn't expect, Jehovah will never leave or forget her. Heb 6:10,. and although it doesn't seem like it at times he is watching those that govern his flock. Remember Jehovah is the ultimate Judge and he can decide upon all things being able to discern our real intenstions and motivations from our heart. Prov. 29:14, Jer 17:10. Also it is impossible for us to know Jehovah's mind on matters at times and we have to put our trust in his unsearchable judgements in order for us to continue to worship him despite these pitfalls within the congregation. Rom 11:33-36.